Inbok for @sticksandbones

[missinglink]

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[missinglink]

[Link is definitely not aware that Allen is seeing directly through him, but...he isn't wrong. Link has been struggling with the two parts of himself for the last half-year or so that Allen has been on the run. One half, the half that is devoted to Central, has a duty given to him by his Commander to protect and ally with the Fourteenth by whatever means necessary...to be prepared to give up his life for him. The other half...just as prepared to give everything, but not for Nea.

For Allen. Allen Walker. Allen, who he desperately- selfishly- hopes can find his way to freedom. He isn't sure how possible it is, for him to pull his own identity out of the mire Nea is creating inside of him, but he has to hope that if anyone could find a way, it would be Allen.

Link looks at Allen out of the corner of his eye as he lays his head on his shoulder, the smallest hint of a smile pulling at his lips.]

I wouldn't call myself relaxed, per-say...but we have had the chance to rest more than I think we have in a long while.

[It helps to not literally be constantly moving so you aren't spotted or captured but you know. This calm before the storm will not last.]

May I ask how you are feeling, right now?

[godsfavourite]

I guess that's true! I feel like I've slept more the past few days than I have in months! [ Haha! Wow! What a funny and silly thing to joke about and not at all wildly concerning, Allen! ]

We've already discussed before, when I couldn't meditate, right? My brain doesn't shut up, so I've got a lot of feelings about a lot of things. We might be here a while if you're not more specific. [ He laughs, picking up his head so he can face Link proper. ] But if you're talking about right this instant, what feeling is at the forefront? I'm happy now. To hear you talking about this, and... just knowing I have you here with me at all is comforting.

[missinglink]

I'm glad to hear that.

[Because...he feels like Allen hasn't been happy for a long time. Not truly. He's been through so much, and he's not really had a second to breathe or process any of it. That's come through with the way he's been having those constant nightmares.]

Right now is good enough. But...if there is anything you want, or feel like you need to talk about, I will listen.

[godsfavourite]

Well, that's a two way street, you know, Link! So you gotta say you're okay with it, too, okay? I know I'm not near as good of a listener as you are, but I promise I know how to shut up long enough to let someone finish talking about what's on their mind. I promise!

[missinglink]

That's fair enough. I'm okay with that, thank you, Walker.

[He tilts his head to the side a little, which causes Tim to kindof slide across his head a fraction.]

I just think you have more to talk about right now than I do...or am I wrong?

[godsfavourite]

... [ Sigh. He slumps back to flop against the bed again. ] I don't think it's something to talk about. I'm just rubbish at talking to Kanda. Right when I'm sure I have things down, I go and blow it. That's all.

It's none of my business. I shouldn't have said anything. That's all.

[missinglink]

[He wasn't going to push Allen to talk about it, or anything...but, yeah. He's heard enough to know that Allen and Kanda are having problems. Link unfolds his arms, letting his palms rest at either side of himself on the mattress.]

I don't think it's entirely your fault. Kanda isn't the easiest person to talk to, you know that.

[Link-]

Even with the best laid intentions, he could have taken something you said completely differently than how you meant it.

[godsfavourite]

I feel you may be biased here, Link. I know you two don't really get along...

You didn't hear it from me, okay? Timcanpy showed it to you, [ Tim makes a small noise of acknowledgement, but clearly doesn't mind taking blame for anything. Not like Kanda would do anything to him, right?? ] buuut... he told me that the reason why he was okay with leaving to go back to the Order and leave me with you is... because he can tell you care. And because of that, he trusts you.

...

At least in matters that regard me. Maybe not in general, haha...

[missinglink]

[It's not that he doesn't believe Allen, but...he feels like he isn't going to believe that unless he hears it from Kanda himself, and Kanda would probably sooner leap from a bridge. But to tell Allen something like that in confidence does make Link wonder. Did he say that just to spare Allen's feelings? Or because it was of necessity at the time?]

Anything we say here stays between us. You have my word.

[...]

I don't blame him for not trusting me, generally. I've made my intentions very clear, and on the outset I'm sure it seems I only have the interests of Central in mind.

[Which isn't true, but also isn't...NOT true.]

But even so...my goal is to make sure you're safe. I feel like we see eye-to-eye in that regard.

[godsfavourite]

...Yeah, that's true. You're both pretty protective sometimes. It gets on my nerves a little. I wish you'd be more careful with yourselves.

[ He sits back up. ] I'm sure you're aware of his distrust of CROWs as a whole, though. He hasn't been particularly quiet about that. So it's not like he has a personal grudge against you or anything like that.

As for me... I think we're just too different. Kanda needs someone... who matches his tempo a little better. I think I get on his nerves because I'm so... like I am, I guess.

[missinglink]

[Oh yes, he's very aware. He may not be privy to the sorts of memories that Allen was able to see, but he doesn't need to be. The CROWs, the Order...he has valid reasons to distrust them all.

Hell, if Link weren't the watchdog of Central, he and Kanda would be seeing perfectly eye-to-eye, wouldn't they? He doesn't stop thinking about the Thirds, after all. They occupy his mind almost every moment.

He pauses, looking at where Allen is laying flat on the bed.]

You want me to talk to Kanda.

[godsfavourite]

I would like for you blokes to get along. At least a little, while we’re here. I know that requires more effort on his part than yours, but… if you could… try not to be provoked by him…?

…

I know that’s a tall ask. I also fall easily to his provoking.

[missinglink]

[Getting along is an even taller ask, but...]

I have nothing against him, even if I know we don't always see eye-to-eye. And we've at least managed to co-exist so far. I'd be willing to talk to him, if you think he would.

1/2

[godsfavourite]

I don't know if he would, is the issue. I'm also having problems talking to him, in case all the yelling today wasn't clear.

But you're also smarter than me and... you don't say dumb shit that makes people upset. So I just think you'd have an easier time. [ If only Johnny were here... He really was the glue keeping this idiots in line. ] I just think... we gotta try to make sure we cooperate and... uh...

Y'know.

Not be dickheads to each other.

[godsfavourite]

[ Once again, Allen sits up, full of energy that seems to flick like a switch. It's the ADHD- ]

But then again, I guess you and I haven't butt heads in a while! Aside from the... uh, fruit thing, but... that was a valid response, and I probably would've done the same.

Did you get used to me, Link? Hehe, grow on you like a weed, did I?

[missinglink]

[Yeah the fruit thing!! Never fucking do that again please-]

It isn't hard to get used to you, Walker. You have a sort of...infectious energy.

[Like look at you! You have sunshine and rainbows coming out of your ass when you should be depressed as hell right now by all accounts.]

Would it be...too invasive of me to ask what you said to upset him?

[godsfavourite]

... I want Kanda to stay here. Once we solve the problem, once we're able to go back to our world. He... I opened the Ark to send him away, and he could've... stayed away. He could've lived his life, but he didn't. He came back. And so long as he's around me, he's going to be fighting, and making his... regeneration worse. I know it's not my decision at the end of the day, and that it's up to him, but this place... this place has so much for him that would make it easy for him to stay. God isn't here. He doesn't have to stress his regeneration.

[ There's a LOT more reasons, too, but Allen has the sense to not talk about them. All except the one that triggered the argument, at least. He looks up at Timcanpy. ]

And... if the dead can be brought back... I told him if he stays, he might be able to have that life with Alma he didn't get to have. I shouldn't have brought that up, but it's something I keep thinking about - and realistically, it's something he should be prepared for. I saw pictures of Alma in Miss Lily's photobook, which means... his soul is bound here, too.

[missinglink]

[ALLEN...

Link...lifts a hand and brings it to his face, pressing his thumb and forefinger into the bridge of his nose for a moment.]

I understand where you are coming from, but I highly doubt that Kanda hadn't already been thinking of that possibility. Maybe even...dreading the fact it could be true.

[Like. He obviously is missing some vital context here, other than the fact that Alma meant...everything, to Kanda. It's no wonder he got upset, when Allen suggested that.]

Are you aware that this world does not necessarily keep its occupants permanently? There is a chance- not a high one, but it isn't zero- that we may wake up back home one morning with no rhyme or reason? It's happened to many past residents, even if they shared some sort of past life here.

[He doesn't need to say this, but he decides to anyway, just to make the point extra clear.]

Can you imagine what it would do, if Kanda were to carve out a new life here...only for it to be suddenly taken away?

You have to stop and ask yourself why Kanda decided to come back in the first place.

[godsfavourite]

N... no, I wasn't... aware of that. [ How could he be? He hadn't been privy to most of the notebook thus far, until Link told him. Allen didn't think this place was perfect. Far from. But it's still a whole Hell of a lot better than home, isn't it.

This news does make two shaky hands reach up to gently pull Timcanpy from Link's head and gently squeeze him against Allen. Does that mean Tim might disappear before Allen can say his good-byes a second time? But... but he was really hoping that it wouldn't come to that. Does that mean he might losing Link or Kanda out of nowhere, too?

... Fuck. ]

I know. I know I messed things up. I know, I know, I know. I- ugh! I just... I just want my friends to be safe, Link! Every bloody day it feels like that is a more and more unachievable goal!

[missinglink]

I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I just wanted you to have all of the facts.

[And...giving Allen false hope just to make him happy isn't how Link operates. He doesn't think Allen would want that either.]

This world is...unpredictable, and still full of unknowns. That's why I want to do our own reconnaissance just in case something may have been missed. But I do agree that this world is much safer than the one we came from.

[So far.]

I'm. I'm sorry, Allen.

[godsfavourite]

[ For perhaps the millionth time Link has been here, he's getting attacked with one of Allen's full weight hugs. He lets go of Tim, who's a bit confused by Allen's sudden shift in mood and opts to sploot on his shoulder in some attempt to be comforting, and then just throws his arms around him. Unpredictable, full of unknowns - that stuff Allen is used to. Especially recently, the path ahead has always been unknown. He puts one foot in front of the other blindly, not knowing if one of these steps will not find purchase on ground.

The thing is, though, that since things have been going to Hell for Allen... Link has been there. Sure, he was assigned to Allen after there was speculation about his relationship with the Noahs, so it was never truly his choice, but it doesn't change anything from Allen's perspective. He was always there, and despite early on having their quarrels and Allen getting frustrated with him, he cared. He still does. Even when Allen thought he was dead, per Kanda's reveal, he learned also... he was here. Watching from a distance, sure, but still there.

So, the thought put into Allen's skull that he can just be taken away on a whim suddenly has him afraid. He squeezes Link tight, in a way that very much reads as "don't go", even though he knows Link doesn't have that intention. ]

N-no I know you're not. I appreciate it, I... I also... [ Beat. ] You said you'd come look for me, though...! S-so I'm holding you to that! You're... you're staying here with me, right?

[missinglink]

[Link isn't prepared for the sudden hug. As such, he lets out a soft oof as Allen practically collides with his chest, arms wrapped around him tightly in a much different way than before. This kind of embrace reads as clearly afraid...afraid that Link might disappear if he were to let go.

For a moment, Link is silent. He just breathes slowly as Allen clutches him like a lifeline, face buried into his chest. He feels a wave of guilt wash over him ever so briefly, knowing that what he just told Allen was a very hard truth to have to swallow. It's not like he wants to randomly teleport back home either...all he knows is that's what he'd learned.

He can't promise Allen he'll stay, because he'd be lying if one day he happened to wake up elsewhere. But...

After a beat of silence, Link decides to carefully return Allen's embrace, hugging him gently to his chest.]

I have no intention of going anywhere. I can't leave if I'm to guard and protect you with my life, can I?

[godsfavourite]

I don't want that, either!!! [ Link! Listen with those ears of yours! He knows you're good at that, so why is this one thing not sticking?! ] I want you here! I want to do this alongside you! I don't need you to risk your life for me, why can't we just work to survive together??

[ Probably because you do reckless shit all the time, Allen. Granted, at least when it came to Apocryphos, that was not Allen's fault. Still... ]

I don't... I don't need to be protected. I just need to not be alone, that's it. And- and you...

...

[ Allen's voice cracks. ] Please just stay.

[missinglink]

[Oh, Allen...]

Okay...okay.

[He tightens his grip, just slightly, and smooths his hand gently across the back of Allen's shoulderblades.]

I'll stay. I promise.

[godsfavourite]

[ He knows that it's unfair to make Link promise such things. It's outside of their control, after all. And that lack of agency over their life... it's... grating on Allen. Just for once, they should be able to choose something. For fucking once. If Allen gets to choose one thing, would it not be to have those he cares about at his side? He wishes Johnny and Lavi were here as well, but... as it is... at least he isn't alone. But if Kanda, Tim and Link do leave?

Oh, he thinks what little he has left of his sanity may leave him.

It's hard to even think about what happened earlier today. That stupid kiss with Kanda, that dumb fight - all just lost to Allen's desperate need to keep these boys at his side. He does really have to talk to Kanda after this. If for no other reason to make sure he knows that Kanda is important to him, and he does want Kanda to do this with him. Ugh. He doesn't even know how he's going to bring this news up to him...

He shivers a bit, trying to hold back tears as he keeps his head buried. ]

I'm sorry. [ That his this fragile. That he's been reckless enough that Link feels the need to protect him with his life. That he's making him promise things he can't. The list goes on. ] Thank you.